A sound mind

I refuse to accept it. THAT diagnosis. Bipolar II (mood swings: lite). Perhaps I’m in the first stage of grief – denial – mourning the loss of my sanity? Or, perhaps, I’m just overthinking things – as I’m wont to do? I refuse to live on medication in order to feel “normal”.  I refuse to be “normal”. I refuse. Maybe she’s born with it?   My psychologist, who speaks from a strong spiritual perspective, says insanity is not a part of our perfect design. That the maker created us to be of sound mind. The diagnosis may well be the scientific communities attempt to understand a complex phenomenon of behaviours. It does not have to define me. I am more than a word. Much more than any diagnosis. Its all a matter of perspective. I can’t seem to identify with the stories of sufferers of Bipolar mood disorder. Once I began on a path of recovery from my addiction to alcohol, I no longer had a drinking problem – I had a living problem. Without the hazy effects of alcohol, I was forced to re-engage with life on life’s terms. If I hadn’t stopped drinking, I would never have married my rock of a husband. I would never have had this beautiful baby girl. I would never have experienced personal growth. As I’ve said before, my post-natal depression humbled me. I could no longer keep living like that – anxious, afraid, victimised, angry.  It’s almost as if God completely broke me down in order to birth a mother. I would not have had that experience, had I continued hiding behind alcohol. I am going through a season in my life. One in which I have to take medication to address the chemical imbalances in my body. It is only for a season. If I am diligent and faithfully committed to my Maker’s promises, then I shall be healed. And live.  You see, I’m not striving for “normal”. I want to strive to be the best version of myself. I want to learn to love myself – warts and all. I want to grow from my experiences, instead of being defined by them.  The bipolar label ties one down to a reality of otherness. You become stigmatised and relegated to the fringes of a utopian normality. This is my perspective. I am not trying to take away from the legitimate struggles of

This content is restricted to site members. If you are an existing user, please log in. New users may register below.

Existing Users Log In
   
New User Registration
*Required field
Powered by WP-Members