The last straw

The age old dictum: “Don’t blog when you’re angry” has just flown out my window. I’m not angry, for the record. But off the record

I’m seething with rage. Alot of it stems from frustration. Daily, I face the frustrations of having to be grateful for a thing which causes me so much pain. “At least it pays the bills”, pipes a voice near the back. Indeed. But at what cost?!

I started this venture as part of my exit strategy. In the process, I have had to (and will have to) face up to and slay some very powerful dragons. I am the battle field in this fight for my very soul. Only, it’s not all to clear if good will triumph over evil.

I know it sounds all too dramatic. But these are my struggles. I tend to take too much of the world and its issues on board. In other words, I take everything personally (contrary to the four agreements, I might add). In some of my lighter moments, I started reading up on mindfulness meditation. Reading is not the same as doing.

But at least I can laugh at/with myself. I am also learning to be kinder to myself. More receptive to myself and themselves. I am in a better place than I was yesterday and so much happier than I was at this point on my previous trip around the sun. But still. Ah well, perhaps its growing pains.

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