Awombness: Loving Allan

Candice Nolan / Oct 31, 2020

Awombness: Loving Allan


Loving Allan: working title

So I have a rather complicated relationship with my birth father. A few days ago I realised that I’m no longer frightened of him. He used to fill my childhood dreams with all sorts of nightmares. The conveyor belt. The bogey man. The devil himself.

My gut anxiety. Constantly walking on eggshells. Clenching my butt cheeks every time a glass breaks. His terrible BO (he bathes annually). But enough with the grossness. You know, I told him to fuck off the other day. And God still loves me. And more important, I love me! So fuck him!

In this series of blog posts I’ll be discussing my “daddy issues” and how I triumphed over them! For instance, I recently took the very brave step of adopting a first-name, strictly professsional, basis upon which to communicate with the sperm donor. He nicknamed me bastard growing up. And now that I’m grown, and have agency, and I choose to live as one. So now I am one. A proud child of a single mother.

So save your pity for the young bastards out there who actually need it. Allan didn’t break me. God knows, he tried. I have a range of daddy’s to choose from in my life. Strong black men who went the extra mile for children like me. I honour my Uncle Ralph and Uncle David. And then there are legends like Doctor James Winnaar (a legal eagle who taught us that our dreams will take us to brand new heights).

And, of course, Uncle Russel Davey. That’s my bestest oom and I remain eternally grateful to him and Aunty Eva for all the work they do to uplift young people in the community. And my cousin-brothers, Jason Goliath and Keenan Bailey. P.s. I AM the favourite 😉 #dalawhatyoumust All strong black men, who are always willing to go to bat for a friend! Champions, really!

It would, however, be remiss of me not to pay tribute to, the late great, Professor Rachel Prinsloo (A founding member of the Psychological Society of South Africa). I owe her my very career. Above all she taught me to laugh at myself! Love you forever, Aunty Ray. #aWOMBness #SaartjieBaartman

But most importantly, to my sisters and my mom. Everything I do, I do to please you. I hope you all find happiness and joy. And enjoy only the choiciest fruits of the Spirit.

Monkey Brain

As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord. Every waking day I am going to “chase my happy” (Thanks for that Jay). And, big shout out to my boeta, Keens, who taught me never to be frightened of my dreams. #Dala #Dalawhatyourmust

Now for my positive affirmations. Candice Nolan is the Oprah Winfrey of Podcasting. She is the master of her fate. She is the Captain of her soul. And you guys all have front row seats to the magic that is my mind. So sit back and enjoy the ride!

A mind, might I add, that the lab-coats reckons is somehow defective. Because of what they term “bi-polar mood disorder 1”. I love my mind! Monkeybrain is flippin amazing. Plus I’m a bit of a megalomaniac, which comes in handy when you are the Oprah of Podasting! Women are power! Keep strong, my sisters! Until tomorrow. Alas.

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