Consternation

Candice Nolan / Feb 11, 2020

Consternation


I am paranoid. And maybe, just slightly, an egomaniac. I received my freelancer media card today. And the voices in my head haven’t stopped since. What if they find out and I lose my day job? Well, what if they do? In my voices world, everything revolves around us. And fear rules us all.

I don’t know why I chose the title “consternation”. Perhaps, I resonated with the anxiety in the definition. I manufacture anxiety as a by-product of my success. A mere experience of time. I imagine my podcasting being so successful that I become a target for the WMP.

Sometimes, I’m not sure how much of it is fiction. Actually, erase that. I am perfectly aware of where that carefully drawn line lies. These are the kind of thoughts that plague my mind when I take extraordinary measures. Like signing up as a freelancer. My journalism has long been separate from my day job.

I’m a news worker by day, and a journalist by night. My reality is fast approaching my dreams. That’s something to celebrate! So, allow me to restart this post.

I am super excited! Today I received my freelancer media card. It’s as though I’ve made my podcasting gig official! I feel like breaking out the balloons to celebrate! Soon, I’ll be flashing my media card to would be interviewees/subjects. This is truly a dream come true! And I made it happen. Me.

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