Mind numbing

Candice Nolan / Jan 27, 2020

Mind numbing


Look to this day, for it is life. The very life of life. In its brief course lie all the verities and realities of your existance. The bliss of growth. The glory of action. The splendour of achievement. Are but experiences of time. For yesterday is but a dream and tomorrow a vision. But today, well lived, makes yesterday a dream of happiness and tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day.

These were the words my late mentor lived by. And I have been trying to infuse it into my life ever since. It has been hard. Every time I take time to meditate. I get distracted. My mind takes me to all the things I should be doing at that very moment. It is mentally exhausting.

I only ever recite those words in the evenings. It’s hard to look well to the day that is done, with no hope of making it a dream of happiness. Today sucked. I felt like soon they would discover that I am being under utilised in my new position. That they could give the same job to someone more junior for half the price.

And then the game would be up. I am vigorously searching. I closed an ad on Facebook. When I started working there was no such thing as facebook, let alone social media as a tool to get a job! I feel outdated and old hat. And I’m not even 40 yet! This is a terrible funk that I must pull myself out of.

I have many more listens on my latest podcast. They are slowly trickling in. Not as fast as I would like. But it’s all just adding to the funk. The dreary mood I’m in. Oh, what’s the point? What’s the meaning of it all? I cry. Half expecting an answer from you, dear listener. Still I will rise to write another day. Look well, therefore, to this day!

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