My psychiatrist is a zany, bubbly personality. Never finishes a sentence, always three steps ahead! She wears this bright orange lipstick that never seems to stick on her lips. More like chinstick! But what an amazing soul! She brightens my mornings!
This morning, she said something profound: “We tend to recycle yesterday and rehearse tomorrow.” Boy, did she hit the nail on the head! That is exactly what I do everyday, all day. Constantly, self flaggelating over a perceived faux pas from yesterday. Sometimes, it keeps me up at night. Just ruminating. Cringing. Hating on my self. And then thinking how I should handle a similar situation in the future. And then I constantly rehearse my tomorrows and end up dissapointed when the actors don’t follow the script.
I rehearsed this magical connection with my daughter, all through my pregnancy. It didn’t occur to me that, like with all relationships, I might have to work at it. By being. loving. caring for. nurturing this vulnerable being. It’s easier for her though. She doesn’t know any other way of being. She just wants her needs met. Simple. No expectation of a warm fuzzy love for the shape with the life sustaining milk receptacles. Simple. I guess I could learn alot from her.
Being is better than doing.