Taste my fear

Candice Nolan / Aug 23, 2017

Taste my fear

Today I came to a rather interesting realisation. And, to illustrate, the words of our couples councellor rang true: “Being is better than doing”.

Yesterday, I had time to kill between sessions. So, with nothing better to do, I sat in a quaint little enclave in the bustling passageway of the ward. I sat facing the clock, above the nurses duty station. And, as people bustled by, every second person enquired about my well being. “Are you ok?”, “What’s up?”, “Are you fine?”. They all seemed genuinely concerned and I was genuinely irritated by all the attention.

Today I had time to kill yet again. I chose to do the exact same thing and retired to the enclave. But my attitude was different. I was more mindful. More present. Less like the monkey, jumping from one branch to another. I allowed myself to be. I claimed that spot for that time and gave myself permission to be there.

And guess what?! Not a single soul asked me how I was doing. Not one. And the passageway was bustling with traffic but nobody gave me a second glance! 

My roomie (a deeply insightful person “whatsoever” {she likes saying that} with a hunger for knowledge) put it all in perspective. One can actually taste fear, anxiety, anger and any one of the range of emotions. Anxiety has a peculiar flavour that others around us pick up on as our energies collide. But we taste it on a subconscious level and then we respond.

Sitting there yesterday I must have reeked of anxiety. I felt out of place. Uncomfortable. It felt like everyone was looking at me; questioning my very existance. And I kept staring at that clock. My shoulders were all bunched up and tense. So the nurses, fellow patients and whatsoever, responded by asking “Annie, are you ok? I said Annie are you ok? Are you ok, Annie?” and I just wanted the earth to swallow me whole!

My energy was very different today. The exact opposite to what it was yesterday. And that’s the difference. I think I will try more of this “being” thing, quit the “must-arbating” and “shoulding” and learn to live in the moment.


Please follow and like us:

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.