A year ago today, I was playing the waiting game. My hospital bag (and baby’s) was packed and ready. I had all kinds of things in there, that would later prove useless.
Like the tennis balls: for hubby to massage my back in the throes of labour. 😐🙄 They remained in their bargain priced set of three packaging. Baby plays with them now.
Oh, and the high carb snacks. 😐🙄 I got them at woolies. Ate them a few days after giving birth. Also, I froze juice packs, which hubby diligently packed before we left for the hospital. Ridiculous! I mean, was I really expecting labour to be like being forced to watch a soccer match with hubby, dolefully chewing crackers?!
I was so unprepared in my preparedness!🤣 I was dead set on having a waterbirth. I had heard that it eases the pain. Well, half way into the ghastly labour, my mom/doula suggested we use the birthing bath. I was incredulous. I was already drowning in the most excruciating ??? (there are no words to describe it), and my mom wants me to get into a tub?! 🤕😲 What part of “I’m dying!” did she not understand?! Because I saw several lights in those horrid moments.
Sigh. The very last thing on my mind was the rapidly defrosting juice boxes, and high carb snacks, packed neatly in my bag. And if hubby had to just think of coming at me with those tennis balls, it would’ve been 4 – love. And, in those moments, there was a microscopic line between love and hate. 😑😡
Nothing could ease that ??? Nothing. Words irritated me. Voices grated on my very last nerve. Where were the drugs?! ??? I swore if I heard “Just breathe through it!” one more time I was gonna 😡 wai??????????????? When was it gonna be over?! I don’t believe I uttered an intelligible word in those final moments. I was stuck in a twilight zone, dreading and simultaneously waiting for the next ??? I barely had time to gather myself before the next wave hit ??? felt like an eternity of ??? infinity ???
And then, just like that it was over. The greatest feeling of relief washed over me. It was over. And then they placed her on my chest (only we didn’t know she was a she until maybe 10 minutes later. That moment, I was never – could never – be prepared for. I was so relieved it was over, totally transfixed on myself. Although I had just birthed a human being, a mother had yet to be born.
My advice for expectant moms, expect nothing. The experience will take you beyond your wildest dreams. In the end, it doesn’t matter how you give birth, the end game remains the same (So don’t do a birthing plan – because you can’t really plan for labour and it just creates unrealistic expectations).
Also, and importantly, there is no magical moment where you automatically connect with your little one. Well, not for most folks anyway and certainly not for me. And my other advice, try the tennis balls (if you planning on going natural) and lemme know 🤣🤣🤣 Oh, and if you find a word to describe ???, please give me a heads up! It’s been a year and I remember it vividly but I still can’t find the words!