The long end of the stick

Candice Nolan / Feb 28, 2020

The long end of the stick


I had a major breakthrough the other evening. After an intensive labour, the mother within me was finally birthed. It took 39 months. But I have arrived. A bouncin’ baby momma! And, I nearly missed it! I was chatting to hubby about how grateful I am to have found the perfect nanny.

The previous nanny was old enough to be my own mother. This one is young enough to be my sister. My relationship with the previous nanny, lets call her mom, was fraught. She clearly didn’t get the memo. I expected her to baby me as well. But she only ever had time for #babysesame. Go figure.

This time around I chose someone far younger. Because the mother in me has been born and is ready to take on the world. In fact, I feel a mothering instinct towards the new nanny. I have never experienced anything like this before. This is major. It signals the end of my post natal depression.

I am free. Soaring on the wings of promise. Life is delectable. Before, I was very uncertain about my parenting. I was constantly seeking the counsel of older women. But now, I know I am capable. Not to say that I won’t make any parenting mistakes. They’re par for the course. It’s just freeing to embrace this new side of me.

I fought against it for such a long time. Wrestling against adultery. Because we all have to commit adultery. We just don’t have to like it. I had to grow into an adult. And it had nothing to do with my age. You know that saying, “fake it till you make it”?! Well, I’ve made it. Finally, and life is wonderful.

There are so many people battling adultery. Fighting against coming into their own. Some die without ever realising it. And that makes me sad. Because, now that I’m sitting on top of the hill, I can’t imagine how I ever got to the top. Nevertheless, this is a watershed moment for me. And I am grateful to share it with you.

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