Today was

Candice Nolan / Feb 27, 2019

Today was

Today was almost over. That’s how it felt anyway. Almost, but not quite. The same thoughts kept repeating.

Depressive thoughts. Dark thoughts. I had to talk myself out of them. It was really hard. I kept thinking to myself “It will all be over in the end. And if its not over, it’s not the end.” I always feel better when I’m at home listening to my soothing meditation music and breathing in the sweet smell of incense. My back massager murmurs gently in the background. Soothing. Breathing. Release.

Life is hard. Trying to build a life and a vision is harder. One never knows quite what lies around the next corner. Today, I had a sense about somebody. A foreboding. I guess that answers my question about whether or not this individual can be relied upon. I realise more and more that the reason why I feel a certain way about work, is because I cannot live honestly. There’s too much subterfuge and backstabbing.

My back is full of holes. Hymie says I tend to cling on to past hurts. Defence mechanism, I guess. But today felt like a day too full of musts. It is exhausting. Although, looking back, I am grateful. The only way is through it. I am getting there.

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